You Can Call Me Eli

The monster known as Bigotry has the general form of a scapegoat with the horns of the devil from your left shoulder and the glowing eyes from the first staring contest you lost. It stands as tall as your shortcomings and as broad as everything you claim is too heavy for your shoulders. It is summoned with the pentagram star of the flag you say you are acting to honor and marches  to the rhythm of your gunfire-drum. It has the shifting face of every school yard bully you have lost yourself to and the shrieks of every child who has trembled in your shadow. Its tail looks much like the back-end of a fish, flipping back and forth from whatever opinion makes you seem the highest and mightiest, scales catching the light in all the most attractive ways. Though its gate is led with a haughty head, its shoulders demand attention and when ignored they grow; more boisterous, louder, wider -   until it feels like the elephant in the room you use his horns to prod in the most pain...

When even the pages of your journal feel mortal and breath is fleeting When words belong to the vacuum of space and living in fog is easier than searching for a clear day When all you want is to leave behind your right mind and get lost outside yourself This moment is #forever — Eli A (@ItsNotEllie) April 18, 2018

*inspired by Lilo and Stitch “ohana” means family family means no one has to cry alone or wear a mask no one has to cry alone means you will never go into battle solo you will never go into battle solo means they will mourn your losses or fight to make sure they don’t happen wear a mask means pretending you’re okay when the ground is falling from beneath your feet pretending you’re okay when the ground is falling from beneath your feet means smiling when your heart is screaming or leaving the house in the morning when your bed is the only company you can get yourself to tolerate Hebrew is the language of my family “shalom” means peace peace means finding small victories in every loss you face “ohana” means “shalom”