When even the pages of your journal feel mortal
— Eli A (@ItsNotEllie) April 18, 2018
and breath is fleeting
When words belong to the vacuum of space
and living in fog is easier than searching for a clear day
When all you want is to leave behind your right mind
and get lost outside yourself
This moment is #forever
My mother, calling just forgets to cross my mind The Second boy I almost loved, I thought my love was unconditional My sister, I am not strong enough to keep my lips together when they should most be held close Four-score, presidential speeches were never meant to be a fish's name The First boy I almost loved, I tried to control how you loved me The music guy from camp, the last picture of your grandfather should never have been lost My roommate, flowers are full of allergens, I almost killed you The Third boy I almost loved, you knew I almost loved you, and that is the worst of all *With respect to Lex de Azevedo
It's really cool how you describe a whole state of being in just a few words. I've had those days and you articulate it really well (and with a poignant hashtag at the end). My favorite line is "When words belong to the vaccum of space." It says a lot.
ReplyDeleteI really like how profound this poem is even in its brevity. I'm confused why you would classify the moment you described as "#forever" when it seems kind of depressing and a moment you wouldn't necessarily want to relive or remember so well.
ReplyDeleteThe interesting thing about this little poem is that in form, it resembles a dedication on a calendar or in a card. It presents itself as sentimental. But when we look closer, the poem is actually pretty heavy and sobering in its meaning. The first two lines suggest a feeling of impending mortality, an awareness of death. The next two lines suggest a state of solitude and lack of communication. It's not portrayed as totally lonely, more of a comfort with the unknown. The next two lines suggest a transformative experience--something liberating from the ordinary. The hashtag ups the ante emotionally.
ReplyDeleteThe odd thing about this poem is how heavy the meaning is when the execution is so light. It makes for an intriguing and somewhat unsettling read.
I thought this was really clever. My favorite line was, "and living in fog is easier than searching for a clear day." This is very profound, and says a lot in the limited amount of words you used. I am just a little bit confused about why this poem sounds so airy when the content is talking about something that is in fact important. I think that the word choices, and the poem itself it very strong, and evokes emotion, but I was also confused about the #forever. Does that mean that you always feel that way? (I'm just thinking out loud here) Otherwise, there were so many positive things about this poem. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Prof. Miller- I kind of love how "casually deep" you are here. Like a "I'm about to drop some truth bombs, if that's alright with y'all" kind of feel. You face and encounter and ACKNOWLEDGE (which is so huge) the impermanence of life and everything we dedicate to it- and there's so much irony in that with this form. Being a Twitter poem, it'll disappear within a few scrolls, a few seconds of post filling the feed- and yet, it is immortalized in the Cloud forever, which kind of adds a whole new dimension to the #forever. I get the sense that the "mortal page' you speak of is a paper one, which kind of is mortal in that it degrades. Twitter poetry, however, is for the moment and forever, joining the title and the closing hashtag with a huge truth bomb. Explosively awesome. snaps.
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